Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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