People with herpes should wear stickers.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
