Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
