I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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