I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
