trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
