i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
