Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
