the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
