I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
