That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
