I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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