Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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