I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
