she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
