You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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