so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
