I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
