Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
