I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
