Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You smell like stripper and shame
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
