I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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