dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
