His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
