If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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