remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Are we still banned from the library?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
