Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
