I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
