so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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