I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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