My liver just broke up with me...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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