i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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