Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
