Jerry, you need to find god
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
