What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
