Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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