If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
