i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
