shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
