Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
