Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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