Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
