PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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