i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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