I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
