I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
