I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
