My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
