and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
