White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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