Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
