I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
